The Coolness
Written by Joanne Tedds on Tuesday the 19th of April 2011
I've tried to write a few times And the opening line is always My last, A future shaped forever By a lyric from my past Your shadow passes me Walks next to me even,
Odd that, That cold patch Brittle but somehow better, Dry with neglect Eyes wet with regret
Struggling to find my next step Still here, differently similar, Shades of grey and miserable, I'm missing you And the distractions are not enough
Contractions of angst and A lonely circumstance Pull me Sideways Glance
Gaping wound, Once vast now small Empty in its entire, I feel tired Because this has left me without Sleep I do eventually manage to and when I do I dream of you We are old friends I'm so near.
Insomnia Plagued, Nothing has changed We've separated again And can't fit So close, round corners Both idiosyncratic oxymorons Just idiots and morons? I feel stupid to think
You've gone and I've come Full circle More than close we were twisted Direction different Tension creates knots Not enemies But not friends We are different and indifferent again
We were once close knits, So stitches, that once sewed our split And laughing sides Are unpicked, With each silent knit pick We don't talk Still the air's thick
I have changed, you not so much I guess Not knowing how parallel We have become Different sizes of the same shaped pattern
I want to pay you back and make it up to you But you don't give credit For how similar we can be shape shifter I hit the nerve you grooved sister
Smokes and Screens I'm still a fiend for the morphine that morphs me Without pain from one world to the next I am just a silhouette
Stoned I float into passive The wrong rite of passage Was I right all along Or is it less about that More about moving on
So out of line I spoke out of turn Now I try and turn spokes Move everything forward And there's no hope So I shrug your weight from my shoulders, Like I have shrugged your passive contempt, And my own diffidence, Moving on, I'm self sufficient Even buoyant
Still, the days get dark Attention starved, I throw stones at your windows, But you don't live there any more
Look at me now! Sending you words I've not read Im just guessing at Its written all over me And you know that This is me all over Clever cat.
Put me on track And dance into the distance You chose to leave without addressing me You didn't have to call, you could have just text me Leaving quietly Yet so indiscreet because our paths meet
Back in the tangled web The catch all net That we invest in and I wish I didn't because
Knowing that you are happy isn't what makes me sad Knowing you have moved on Glad Is what keeps me Teary eyed and lost for words Awake at night I am disturbed
When you nudged me off the curb I fell and split my lip Bruised a couple of ribs and never really recovered
My dreams are haunted I feel nauseus, try to stalk you Make you talk to me I extend a hand and an olive branch and stop only at the count of three
We never caught our memories In that net of impenetrable You are now apart of other peoples photos And we are apart I have photos, Took them and thought of what you taught me but never saw me put into practice
I go backwards in my mind Try to heal what I find but the truth is
You confused aloofness With coolness And for you, that must stem From when you leave.